Own your power. People in ongoing partnerships find it easy to fall into the “blame game”. “So and so does thus and such… aren’t they awful?” “Don’t you feel sorry for me… ” and “What can I do when I have a partner like mine?”
Well, the truth is, you are creating your partner. I know, he or she is creating it too-it’s a paradox-both are true. But in order to change your relationship you must approach it as if you are the only one creating it.
Get your mad out. Ask yourself if you have any old, unresolved issues with your partner. If so, write them a letter expressing your hurt, anger, etc. When you are done with the letter, burn it.
In order to move into a positive future, you need to let go of the past. For good. Obviously if you need to talk with your partner about these issues, do so… but nine times out of ten the issues have been talked to death already. Time to let them go.
Get clear about what you want. I know you say you want a loving, giving, caring and intimate partnership. But I’ve seen plenty of couples that really want to argue. Plenty of others that only want to be right. Still others who want to control their mate.
Be brutally honest with yourself and let go of any hidden agendas. Get clear on your relationship intentions and write them down.
Change those pesky beliefs. Those who follow my work are probably saying, “Oh no, not again-when’s she gonna get off the belief nagging?” Sorry folks. Never. Beliefs are the crux of why everything is the way it is in your life.
Ask yourself if you have any of these beliefs-if so change them to the corresponding positive belief:
I don’t have the ability to create a loving relationship with my partner.
I do have the ability to create a loving relationship with my partner.
It is not safe to allow my partner to support me.
It is safe to allow my partner to support me.
I can never let my guard down within my relationship.
I can relax and receive sustenance within my relationship.
If things go too smoothly in my relationship I get nervous and create a problem.
If things go too smoothly in my relationship I feel happy and create even more ease.
Relationships are difficult.
Relationships are easy.
Relationships take incredible amounts of energy.
Relationships give incredible amounts of energy.
I am always angry in my loving relationship.
I trust the love in my loving relationship.
My relationship is never “good enough”.
My relationship is always “good and getting better”.
I give more than I receive in relationship.
I both give and receive in relationship.
I am powerless in relationship.
I am powerful in relationship.